It's not always simple...

It has been a bad week. The LO has refused naps, I have been under the weather, and quite honestly, I have not much felt like cooking, blogging, or making much of an effort at anything. For me, this tends to lead to a complex shame spiral. In the past I would have totally caved, bought a bag of highly processed cookies, and disappeared for a month... it's not always easy to stay on track. I know this, but it still gets me down. So, what's a gal to do when she feels like doing nothing???

Brainwashing helps. Not literal brainwashing, per se, but switching on something in your subliminal. In my very first post I mentioned following your gut. This week was my gut's first big test, and while it did not pass with perfect marks, it DID surprise me a bit. I was terrified when I started this venture that I would cave the second life got hard, and retreat into the easy world of processed foods, but it didn't happen, not really anyway. I think that I finally get this whole "food" thing on a molecular level. Even at my worst I found myself easily, and without hesitation, reaching for more whole food or healthy options. This is proof, people, that once your gut gets it, the rest of you will follow.

Truth time... there IS a box of cookies on my counter, and they were beaked in the grocery's kitchen, not mine. I am okay with that, because cookies are a "sometimes food"... unless I say I can never have them if they are not homemade... then they become an obsession... you get me? "Never again," doesn't work with me. I suspect that it doesn't work well with most people. I choose to say rarely. (unless it's really, really, REALLY bad for me, or sketchy, or involves aspic... the I say ever again.)

A couple of things from this week of blech...

1. Family picnic- Wednesday at the grocery I suddenly realized that I was starving. There was no way I was going to be able to make a full meal before passing out. (I may have gotten super busy and forgotten to eat lunch (and breakfast) which happens sometimes, and is included in the "healthier me" plan, I know, I know, I know...) So, I grabbed one of those pre made rotisserie chickens from the deli. It took all of my willpower not to rip it open and devour it viking style in the store. I was that hungry. I happened to get home at the exact same time as my MR, and I asked him to shred it while I unloaded groceries. On Monday I had made two loaves of yummy bread, and at the store I also got some Havarti and some strawberries... (when pressed, this is the food I want to eat. I want a French country picnic circa 1876 available at ALL TIMES.)So we stood in the kitchen (LO included) gabbing about our days, and eating all of this nummy food together. It was really lovely, and involved no prep at all. (except ripping up the chicken, which can be cathartic after a bad day)

2. Pizza... is it really that bad for you??? Not to pull a Bill Cosby (chocolate cake bit, anyone?) and create food groups where they don't exist, but honestly, if you are going to pick a "fast food" pizza seems a smarter way to go. (assuming that you don't go for the variety that is cooked in grease and loaded with 47 processed meat products) A Hawaiian pizza from our local joint, for example... crust (they have a whole wheat option), cheese (sure, there's a lot, but you can ask them to go light, and if you aren't overeating...), sauce (which is essentially tomato paste, pineapples (fruit), and ham (a super lean meat)... not bad. (in moderation, folks. i am NOT condoning eating a WHOLE pie.) Granted, you don't have the control of making sure every ingredient is organic, or up to whatever specs you have set for yourself, but as another "sometimes food" it can be a healthier alternative that a burger, or fried chicken.

Here's the thing I have realized about me, I have to give myself permission to lapse now and then. There will be days, heck, there will be WEEKS sometimes where you don't feel like being "good'" or going to the market once a day to create a new and fantastic masterpiece each night. That is fine. The longer you lead a healthier lifestyle, the more inherent it gets. The choices get easier... eventually they cease being "choices" on any conscious level, and just become natural, even if it is a baby step like realizing that store baked cookies are better than boxed, or pizza may be a healthier alternative than a value meal... it can't be mung beans and home made biscuits EVERY night after all. (much as we would all LOVE that... mung beans??) I am getting back on track this week, and I hope to have a more helpful blog to offer tomorrow, although, I don't know, sometimes just hearing that someone else struggles CAN be helpful. This whole "food" thing is hard. But it is getting easier, and that is really something to write home about.